Neepy...

Ok, so its like 11: 37 and I'm sleepy......yawn...I don't have anything good to write and most likely tomorrow I will erase this crap and write something better but until that glorious moment I'm just typing random crap...I stayed home tonight and watched a movie which scared the bejeeezus out of me...I hate that...I love scary movies but at the same time I'm such a pansy...I like watching them with my friends a lot more...Anyways I need a latte of sorts...too late I suppose so goodnight..............................................

This is not just some murder movie. This movie has some brilliant abstract ideas and an ending that will knock your fucking socks off. Through some parts of the movie I found myself thinking I had pegged this movie and could predict an ending. But NOTHING will prepare you for the actual ending of this film. It's a shockfest. If you like kind of abstract, foreign, or just flat out movies that will ignite your senses you will love this. It is a new release at your local video store. Enjoy!!!!!

Sick of my damned menial existence!!!!!

I don't even know where to begin...
Well, the past week I had off for several days...I went out far too much...which actually was only 3 times but in my mind equates to far too much I suppose. I then came to realization today that that the life I used to live 1 year ago really wasn't that great. Running around with my same old crew only made me realize that they are all in the exact same place as they were 3 years ago. Not one of them have spiritually grown or furthered themselves in society in the least bit. And I'm not one to declare the trappings of our society and further the horror of our culture but you know what I'm getting at. In the last year I realized that there are more important things in life than having fun. Fun is good and should be included in an individuals mental and emotional diet frequently but it isn't what life is about. But then what is life about????? I guess I have not quite figured that one out yet but so far I'm starting to realize that for me I am in a horrible and unsatisfied state of being. Lets just establish one thing before I proceed... I am fulfilled emotionally due to my lovely doll of a son Jurrien and so therefore for the first time in my life I don't want a boyfriend. I absolutely don't want one. I am stringless and feel great being single and free. I love men and sex but I don't want a relationship. I have loads of freedom and do not need or desire a relationship in the least bit. If I were to find one, I would shun it... Because I have no want for one. But let me go on with my rant...

I am happy quite often, do not get me wrong. But I am in an awful state of mind. Our society and culture are making me feel like I am trapped. I am unsatisified and let me explain why. Everyday our shit is the same. We get up, shower, have a bagel or some coffee and then go to work. I like my job and it pays well but I don't want to be trapped there just because I need to pay a fucking bill here or there. Oh sure I can do something else but once I do it will be right back to same old fucking repition of get up at this certain time, have a bottled water, and then drive to work with all the other insects of society to my job, be it whatever it may be... Oh sure I can hang with Jurrien when I get home which is my favorite part of my day or I can go see a film on the weekend or play some violin. But that is all just a speck of free time that we allow ourselves to have so that we all don't go fucking insane with the other 95% of our lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our weekly repition!!!!!!!!!!! Shyt!!!!!!!!!! Am I like the only one that is pissed off about this!??!?!!?!? Am I the only one at a great sense of unrest!?!?!?!? Am I the only one sick and fucking tired of foraging for our societal tree bark/nuts/and berries just to store them up fucking eat them and then have to do the whole fucking thing over again next year!?!?!?!? I am suffocating with life!!!!! I need to just grow some damn wings and soar off into the great fucking beyond where I can go and do as I would like at will, never fearing the lack of anything or watching shyyyyt ass tv/magazines/commercials that only exist to let me see all the things that I cannot or will never be. Which only serve a purpose to show me the sexy men I will never have, the sexy body I will never posesss, the awesome sports car I will never own, and the celebrity lifestyle that I will never be a part of. And I don't even want that shit really. But my entire culture WANTS ME TO WANT THAT!!!!! And I'm so fucking sick of it!!!!! I need to drink some fucking tea (green tea my fav) and chill the fuck out!!!!! Laters...

Sake and a sex slave...

Ok, so last night I went to Sushi Zushi w/ my friend Cory-Mo... Fun times were had!!!!! We had a bit of sake then we went to see a band play. But I couldn't stay out late cause of baby J and because of work. Actually I rarely do anything during the week unless it is chilling at a friends for a couple hours...But this week I had time off so you know how I roll!!!!! Baby J is officially 7 months old now!!!!! Yay!!!!!

So anyways, last night "Allen Hendrickson" the vocalist called me. Which is weird cause I had just told somebody something about him being such a badass vocalist. I don't know if anybody remembers but he was the one always asking me to be his girlfriend every 5 minutes back in the day. So anyways, he called me and I answered and he starting playing "Since I've Been Loving You" on his electric guitar. I was totally aroused by it. He was wailing out on the guitar!!!!! It was incredible playing!!!!! Man this guy is a hopeless romantic and constantly tells me how beautiful and awesome I am every two seconds on the freakin phone. "Jessica you are so beautiful you were my dream girl in high school"...blah blah blah...This guy is sexy to the max!!!!! But on the other hand he is unfortunately a bit crazy. He is also the mortal enemy of my ex Chris...who I have to admit is a really good person at heart and is always right about people. Now this morning he calls and starts talking about how he is offering to be my sex slave and how anytime day or night I can call him and he will be at my service to either pleasure me or to just "hold me" if I so choose. He begged me to let him be my sex slave!!!!! I mean this guy is sooooo dramatic and like whats the word..........he is extremely intense!!!!! My buddy Eric is the one who had introduced me to him back in the day. The first day I officially met him he had serenaded me on his guitar. In a nutshell, this guy rocks!!!!! But alas, I have to refuse to see him because he is a musician and I have "HORRIBLE" history with musicians. All my ex's were full time musicians like as their jobs in life... Why do only "musicians" like me. It's like they find me out somehow. What the hell!!!!! I'm not looking for a boyfriend but if I ever do I don't want him to be a full time musician... I'm like hopelessly cursed to wander the earth with musicians clawing at my feet!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, I just feel like eating some good food today and watching a movie or just chilling... til' next time.....Peace Out ;)

Blogs And What Not...Still A Sheisty Sidedish Of Crap Writing

Ok, so I'm starting to write in my "blog" again. Blog not only is a dumb name, it is a stupid-ass name as well. What an annoying ass word!!!!! And everybody and their mom now has a damn blog and they are all about the same ass shyyyyt!!!!!!!!!! It's like "ok yes I woke up and drank a protein shake and took a picture of this stupid ass rock and now I am posting it all because I've actually lied to myself enough to believe people care what the fuck I'm saying about retarded ass shyyt"...Ummmm, yeah so that's what those type of people say to themselves I'm sure... Hahahaha And I"m the worst damn one, because I don't talk about anything badass at all myself. I just like posting shyyt because it is a good online diary of sorts for me to kind of just get out these strange and stupid thoughts that I have swimming around in my melon all day. You know how I roll... And well besides I starting missing talking to best bud Seth all day and my friend Jeremy from Weirdsville and well...ummm...yeah so here I am yet again in all my blogging glory to start writing random bullshit again. I will have another post later today for my "own" enjoyment as I am sure to be the only fucked up individual to come to my wack ass page. So see ya around, ummm...me...

(And if anybody does read this, I will be posting pics again like back in the day coming in the next few weeks as well.)